I knew their marriage was doomed.
They couldn't answer even one of my standard couple compatibility questions correctly.
Ladies and Gentlemen, even if you don't hire me, at least have the sense to ask yourself these questions before jumping into a relationship:
1) Does he look childish in a bathing suit to you?
2) Does she prefer dinner guests who reside in an insane asylum?
3) Does he not notice when you're acting slightly peculiar during meals?
4) Does he come home smelling like a secretary every now and then, especially on his birthday or when he just got a promotion?
The fact that most of you know you can't answer "no" to the first one without lying is precisely why I became a professional. You can't just marry whoever/whomever you want without checking with me first. You could end up dead.
For example, you can't pretend someone is more interesting than he actually is simply because you like the way he looks and you're hoping you can make him more interesting by moving to a place where people aren't suburban drones . That's like eating a wax cupcake. It backfires. (Trust me. As a child, I ate a whole wax apple pie. Even after I knew it was wax, I kept at it.) And you can't pretend you're going to move to Paris if you know you're not really going to. That really backfires! These are the things I screen for. Had Kate and Leo checked with me first, I could have prevented that whole bloody mess.